What's That In Your Hand?

That next Sunday after church Joe was having lunch in the dining room with some of the Refuge staff. The difference between now and when he first ate here is that now Felicitas sat next to him. Mom had made a big pot roast “kinda tradition on Sundays when I was a girl” she explained,” but it was so good no one felt she needed to explain anything. At one point during the meal Jake said, “Joe, I almost forgot to tell you. Remember that picture we took of that creepy guy at the club?”

“Sure. Anything come of that?”

“Well, sort of. I sent the pic around to some friends. Nothing. I tried this face recognition software I mentioned and ran it through a couple of data bases. Still nothing. Then this buddy I know on the police station calls me. I sent him the photo and he says no more.”

“No more photos?” Joe asked.

“No more nothin’ is more like it. He says don’t call him, don’t bother him ever again. I mean we weren’t the kind of friends who’d hang out and have a beer or anything like that, but still…kind of funny.”

“Thanks for the effort, Jake.”

After lunch Joe told Felicitas he was going to walk down to the drug store and get some toothpaste. As he went out the front door he saw a familiar red Porche parked across the street at the coffee shop. Joe went inside and found Philo at one of the tables.

“Good to see you, Joe,” Philo said as he stood. “How have you been?”

“Never better. So, what are you doing in the city?”

“I came to see an old friend, Joe,” Philo said as he looked Joe in the eye. “I was just having a bite and I was going to pop over and see if you were home.”

“Well, thanks, Philo.”

“It’s more than that. For some reason I can’t understand completely, the Lord has laid you on my heart of late. To be honest, I was feeling kind of guilty because I’m not that good at keeping in touch, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I ought to drop by.”

“I’ve got a cell phone now. Here’s my number. Call anytime.”

As Joe wrote the number down for him on a napkin, Philo asked, “So, Joe what’s new?”

Joe filled him in on the job and his new relationship with Felicitas.

“All that’s is good, Philo, blessings I don’t really deserve, but I’m struggling with an issue.”

“You’re not smuggling guns or anything are you?”

“Ha, I love your humor, Philo. No, I’m just wondering about my future. You know, what God’s will is for me. All that.”

“What is that in your hand, Joe?”

“I don’t get it.”

“Have you read about Moses and the burning bush?”

“I’ve heard of Moses, but that’s it.”

“It’s in the book of Exodus, I don’t remember the exact chapter. Here’s the short version: Moses was out tending his flocks and he saw a bush that was on fire, but not being consumed. The Lord spoke to him from the bush. He wanted Moses to go back to Egypt to free the people of Israel from Pharaoh.”

“Okay, I know some of this story. He parted the Red Sea and they wandered in the desert for a long time.”

“Yeah, that’s it. Only Moses wasn’t sure he was the man. Who’d believe him, or follow him? But then the Lord asked him the question: ‘What is that in your hand?’ It was sort of God’s way of using what Moses had available, and what he was familiar with. I think it’s a question God asks everyone who wants to know what his will is for them.”

“How so?”

“Think about it, Joe. God created you. You are who he made you to be. Even before you became a follower of the Way you were his creation. When you gave your life to him he didn’t just toss out all the things you were good at or enjoyed doing. But when you come to the point where you want to serve him, he asks you: ‘What is that in your hand?’

“Okay.”

“I don’t think we talked about this before, Joe, but what did you do before you met me?”

“I had a bunch of different jobs. I couldn’t afford to go to college. I just got work where I could.”

“That’s not bad, Joe. It just means you have experience in a lot of different things. What else?”

“I’ve spent a lot of my life on my own, you know, by myself, but I really do enjoy being with people. I don’t think I could ever be a monk praying all day.”

“I don’t think that’s God’s calling for very many people, if any, to be honest.”

“When I was alone on the beach it made me realize I liked solitude but only as a break from the business of life.”

“It’s not good for man to be alone,” Philo said.

“Is that from the Bible?”

“Yeah, in the beginning when God created something, he would say ‘It is good,’ but then when he was done God said ‘It’s not good for man to be alone.’ We are social creatures by nature, Joe. Like you said, solitude is good from time to time, but it’s not meant to be our lifestyle.”

“It’s good to see you again, Philo. How long are you going to be around?”

“Day or two.”

“Maybe you and I and Felicitas could have dinner somewhere. I want it to be my treat.”

“A free meal with people I love?” Philo said. “It doesn’t get any better than that.”

The three of them had dinner that night and the conversation was long and engaging. Joe and Felicitas said goodnight to Philo and then walked back to the Refuge. It was after midnight. They went through the private door where Joe first met Polycarp. They walked back to the sliding door outside the dining room. As Felicitas was about to put her key in the door Joe put his hand on hers.

“Before we go out own separate ways, I want to say something.”

“What is it, Joe?” She looked up at him and in the glow of the back porch light he saw an innocent anticipation that was surprising coming from someone with her background.

“I’m not sure I’m able or ready to articulate the exact nature of my feelings for you, Felicitas, but I do know I want to spend more time with you, a lot more. This may not sound like much, but I want to spend time only with you.”

“You’d give up all your other girlfriends for me?” She said smiling.

“Every last one of them.”

“But you have no girlfriends.”

“None.”

“Okay, then.” She put her arms around him and laid her head on his chest. They stood silent for a moment, and then she said, “Goodnight, Joe.”

“Goodnight.”

Two weeks went by and Sam met Joe at the coffee shop.

“I think I’ve got an opportunity for you, Joe. It’s not going to sound like one at first, but hear me out, okay?”

“I trust you, Sam.”

“Friend of mine has several properties in and around the city. He’s a follower of the Way, and an honest business man. I don’t think I know anyone who uses their wealth as powerfully for the kingdom as Bob. He treats his employees fairly and gives a significant amount of his income to Christian causes. In fact we are one of those causes. At any rate, Bob owns an apartment complex just outside the city and he is looking for someone to manage the place and do some handyman work.”

“Apartment manager?” Joe asked.

“I know, Joe it doesn’t sound like a great work, but listen. Bob wants the person who takes this job to see it as a ministry. In a way the people who live there will become a sort of congregation.”

“I like that idea. Are all the people there believers?”

“No, only a few of them, but if you have the opportunity to share your faith, then Bob is okay with that. He would encourage you to look for such opportunities. He would support you in that all the way.”

“It sounds pretty good, Sam. I mean I can at least talk to him.”

“That’s great, Joe. I think you could really learn to like this. His name is Robert Fletcher. Here is his card. I told him about you and he is waiting for your call. He’s a good guy, Joe, and a good boss.”

“I’ll call him tomorrow, Sam. Thanks.”

The next day on his break Joe called Bob on his break and he wanted to meet Joe at lunch if possible. So, they met at an Asian restaurant not too far from where Joe worked.

“Sam speaks highly of you, Joe,” Bob began.

“Sam’s an amazing guy. His ministry is really changing some lives.”

“I agree. Let me tell you a little about myself. I went to college, got my degree in business. I’ve started several business of my own. Some of them failed and a few have done quite well. As a result I have enough stability now that I can experiment some with what I’m presenting to you. In other words, I bought this building last year with the idea of starting a ministry of sorts. Nothing on the scale of the Refuge, but it’s a start. I’m looking for someone who really has a heart for service to the Lord and who could do the work of being a manager and handyman.”

“I definitely have the desire to serve God. Since I became a follower of the Way it has been a constant thought in my mind. On the other hand, I don’t know if I have enough experience in some of the handyman responsibilities.” Joe said.

“I’m not too worried about that, Joe. What you can’t fix you can hire. If you learn along the way and can pick up, say dry walling, then all the better.”

“Okay.”

“To be honest, I was looking for a couple. The wife could do the bookkeeping and the husband could do the maintenance. But as I said, Sam speaks highly of you, and I trust his opinion.”

“Can you tell me a little about the apartments?”

“Well, first of all, the building is old, but I’ve spent the last year and a lot of money remodeling, refitting and upgrading it. The building is u shaped with three floors and a basement. There is a courtyard in the middle with trees, grass and an old fountain. We’re putting in some tables and a few grills for barbequing. We are also putting in a coin op laundromat. We are going to lease space to a few businesses as well. I’ve already signed a contract with a coffee shop. All told there will be fifty units to rent. There is parking on the sides and in the back. If you are wondering about money, here is what I think is fair. The package starts off at twenty five hundred a month. That may not sound like much, but it includes rent and utilities. That comes now to about forty two thousand a year. It’s not a fortune, but it’s fair. The package includes medical insurance and two weeks vacation.”

“Wow.”

“Are you interested, Joe?”

“I am.”

“Then why don’t we go look at the place after you get off and we can make a decision then?”

“Sounds good, Robert.”

“Call me Bob.”

That night Joe met Bob at the apartment building. He was right, the building was old, but it had charm. It was red brick with an art deco feel. The units had wrought iron balconies and some of the windows had stained glass detail. The front entrance had a large wooden and glass door. Next to the door was panel with rows of buttons for each apartment. Inside was a large foyer with high ceilings and an elevator to the right. To the left were mailboxes.

“What do you think, Joe?” Bob asked.

“I really like it.”

“We won’t rent the two front apartments on the street. One will be for the coffee shop and the other will be for another business. The manager’s apartment is next to the mailboxes. Let me give you a tour.”

They walked through all the hallways and down in the basement. There was a storage locker for each apartment there, a workshop for the manager and another room for the landromat. Outside in back was a grassy area where dogs could be exercised. There was a large shed and a pickup parked next to the shed.

“I forgot to ask, Joe, do you drive?”

“Yes, but I don’t have a vehicle.”

“Well, the truck goes with the building. You’ll need it to pick up parts and such. But you are free to drive it as your personal vehicle. It’s not much, but it’s free. You’ll have a gas debit card to use at your discretion. So, do you want the job?”

“It’s a lot of responsibility, but I’d like to give it a try.”

“It’s a deal, then. Welcome aboard. So, I’d like you to start the first of the month. Can you stay at Sam’s until then?”

“I think so. But I’ll have to give notice at my current job.”

“No problem there, but if they can’t let you go by the first, I may need you here a few evenings.”

“I don’t think that will be a problem.”

“I’ll be in touch, Joe.”

The wait was not without its benefits in that he still got to see Felicitas every day. Joe found himself thinking about his new job, but he thought about Felicitas more. His feelings for her seemed to grow more each day. Then one evening when Joe was reading in his room, he came to a conclusion. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He needed to talk to her, tell her how he felt, and what he was thinking. That next Saturday they went back to Floyd’s. After dinner they took a bus to a little postage stamp park that overlooked the freeway. They were the only ones there. They walked to a fence and looked at the cars and trucks far below them.

“I’ve been thinking,” Joe began. Felicitas didn’t say anything. Joe turned and faced her. “Since I came back to the Refuge, my feelings for you have grown to the point where it surprises me. I think about you a lot, Felicitas, and I guess what I want to say is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” There was that look again. She still didn’t say anything. Joe took her shoulders. “I love you.”

Tears came into those dark eyes. It seemed like she couldn’t get her breath. Finally she said, “I love you, Joe. I’ve known I loved you for a while now. I’ve also known that you had feelings for me. You told me that. But I didn’t want to let myself hope that…well you know. I couldn’t believe that God would ever let me hear those words. I know it was probably a sin, or something, but I’ve lived such a bad life. Joe, you know I’ve been with many men, had numerous abortions and worried, worried, worried that I’d gotten a disease and would die a lonely old maid.”

Joe took her head in his hands and kissed her. Then she put her head on his chest like before and said, “I love you, Joe. With my dying breath I will say it one last time before I step into the presence of God: I love you, Joe.”

They stood silently like that for a long time, and then Joe asked, “So, what happens now?”

“If you ask me to marry you, I will say yes.”

“Will you marry me?”

“I will.”
Questions:

1.       According to Philo, why does God ask each of us, “What’s that in your hand?”

2.       Why did Felicitas worry it was a sin not to let herself hope?